Jokes Today

Christmas Collection

Night Before Chanukah

'Twas the night before Chanukah, as it is said
And Santa was sitting and hocking his head

He had all the toys wrapped up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach and boys to give each one a peckel

The reindeer were saddled and ready to fly
Like a crew of brave astronauts all through the sky

But Santa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel

Not plum cakes or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy

So he called to his reindeer, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."

The house had no chimney, so he went through the door
And kissed the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor

Then the man of the house said, "Santa you devil
Come on, don't be shy and see our split level

The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
So come in the den and please have a bite

If only we knew you were coming, by gosh
But I'll call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh

A slice of stuffed derma, a few little strudels
Some chicken salami, some flanken with noodles

Some blintzes, some kreplach, some lox and bialy
A bissel chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh

And if all of these goodies don't fill up your gatkes
Last but not least, some Chanukah latkes."

"A latke?" cried Santa, "what is this delight?"
On the outside it's golden and inside it's white.

On the outside so crisp and inside it's yummy
And he gobbled them up 'til he filled his fat tummy.

Then they gave him a dreidel and showed him the plays
And he took a menorah to light for eight days

And to give Santa some spirit and to show how they felt
For mazel they gave him some Chanukah gelt.

He beamed and he chuckled and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want to feel like a Chanukah schnorrer

To show you how much I enjoyed your Jewish snack
I'm leaving you everything, even my sack."

Then he called to his reindeer and said, "Luz mir gehn. "
And each one got ready as he schlepped on the rein

"Giddyap Irving, Hoo Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie, Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."

And they swore that he yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES" to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT."

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