Jokes Today

Christmas Collection

Resolutions for the New Year

• As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
  
  

• I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
  
  
• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
  
  
• In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
  
  
• I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future?
  
  
• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
  
  
• When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.
  
  
• I am at one with my duality.
  
  
• I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
  
  
• Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
  
  
• Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
  
  

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