Jokes Today

Christmas Collection

Deep Thoughts for the Holidays

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

• If athletes get athlete's foot, astronauts get missile toe.
  
  
• A bird dog could be called a point setter.
  
  
• James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel "The Deer Sleigher."
  
  

Angels

Q: What's the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged angel?
A: It's a matter of a pinion!

Musical Advice to Christmas Shoppers:

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds, and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.

I just put a sign on my lawn...

UNASSEMBLED SNOWMEN FOR SALE....CHEAP!!!!

Christmas Lights

I have decided not to put up Christmas lights on my house this year... I'm getting tired of wasting my Easter Sunday taking them down.

Christmas defined...

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

Holiday Reminder

Remember ~~~> start defrosting your turkey now so you won't have to throw it in the clothes dryer like you did last year!

Deep Thoughts

The good thing about having a bad runny nose around the holidays is that you don't have to lick all those stamps and envelopes when you send out cards.

Once Again

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, each in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Christmas Quips

Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.

Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."

When I was a kid our Christmases were very poor. We couldn't afford tinsel. We had to wait for grandpa to sneeze.

 

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