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The Night Before Christmas -- Military Style

To: All Retired Military Personnel

Subject: Official Command Visit

This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during this visit:

1. No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained through the orderly room.

2. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 220 hours. Uniform for nap: pajamas, cotton, light drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose.

3. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugarplums to dance through their heads. This item may be picked up in the orderly room.

4. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires. Individual sections will submit stocking-hanging plans to Capt. Kringle by 0800 hours, 22 December.

5. At first sign of clatter from lawn, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open shutters and throw open window sashes.

6. Volunteers are needed to drive one sleigh, miniature, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of Gen. Claus. Driver must have current roof-top license.

7. Gen. Claus will enter all sections through chimneys. Sections without chimneys will draw a Chimney Simulator from Link Services for use during ceremonies. Requests must be submitted in triplicate prior to 20 December.

8. All personnel will be rehearsed in shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." This shout will be given upon termination of Gen. Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of all section chiefs.

-- (signed) Ebenezer Scrooge, Colonel, USAF, Commander

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