Jokes Today
for
Our Dogs

A Letter to my Dog

Dear Dog:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw or whine at the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear dog, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Dog Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Dog:

• 1. They live here. You don't.
  
  
• 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
  
  
• 3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids -- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
  
  

 

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