Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• This election some campaigns were so dirty, in order to get to the voting booth I needed mud flaps!
  
  

• Just saw an old movie on TV called BITE THE BULLET. I didn't know it was a Western. I thought it was a documentary on how to choose between the candidates.
  
  
• Tuesday there was so much hot air on who to vote for, it blew a tree into my kite.
  
  
• Not all election officials are created equal. Told one my voting machine was broken and he gave me a hammer and some nails.
  
  
• Let's hope Democrats voted into office don't have an "alka-seltzer" relationship with their constituents. You know, head out together on a sea of change but quickly dissolve.
  
  
• If some newspapers stopped publishing everything except the unbiased news, you'd be able to carry their morning paper in your wallet!
  
  
• The Rolling Stores may be old but they can still rock. Their last concert got a ton of noise complaints from the locals and their only neighbor was a cemetery.
  
  
• It's almost Christmas and it's so hard to find non-violent toys. Finally settled for the game - Uncle Wiggily's WWE SmackDown.
  
  
• New mom Anna Nicole Smith is big bosomed to begin with but now there's a debate about the future of her nursing bras. Put one in museum or let a family of four live in it.
  
  

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