Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Remember the old days when politicians started their campaign speeches with "If elected," instead of, "If convicted?"
  
  

• Former New Jersey governor James McGreevey's tell-all book, "The Confession," makes an interesting admission. Seems when he came out of the closet so did his bathroom. Now his towels are marked HIS, HERS and OPEN TO NEGOTIATION.
  
  
• The other day I saw Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean at the lost and found department. He was looking for a political issue Democrats can win.
  
  
• Arnold Schwarzenegger is running for reelection as California Governor and Democrat rival Phil Angelides is hitting below the belt. Angelides says that not only is Arnold a lousy actor but he is a lot like his first co-star, a dumbbell.
  
  
• Global Warmests have an issue in the upcoming elections. They want a law that requires all new housing's second story be fitted with periscopes.
  
  
• The FDA just released a report on what today's kids consider a well balanced meal: Hamburger from MacDonalds, Taco from Jack In The Box and Alka Seltzer from Walgreen's.
  
  
• I think the government is worried that football stadiums are new targets for terrorists. Saw an agent at a football game and I'm pretty sure he was CIA. He was having a two-way conversation with a hot dog.
  
  
• The Bush administration is under a lot of pressure to deal with Osama bin Laden. One Bush aide suggested they recruit bin Laden as a CIA agent and his first assignment would be to commit suicide.
  
  
• Did you ever stop to realize that if you took all the obnoxious people in the world and laid them end to end, no one would be able to buy cars or insurance!
  
  
• Is this guy a salesman? He could sell a seal-skin coat to an animal-rights activist.
  
  

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