Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• There's a brand new dance for vegetarians. It's called, "THE AVOCADO DIP."
  
  

• Did you hear about the jazz musician who had insomnia? His doctor advised him to play two Lawrence Welk albums and call him in the morning.
  
  
• I think the divorce laws are still too one-sided. Recently my aunt and uncle got a divorce and the court awarded her, HIS pacemaker!
  
  
• Public transportation is getting ridiculous. I never thought I'd have to wait on stand-by to take a bus!
  
  
• Nervous? I feel like a Greenhouse Gas hearing Al Gore approach.
  
  
• Saw a new Horror flick. It was about a vampire who always took along a knife and fork - in case of a blood clot.
  
  
• Like my psychiatrist always says. "You only go around once in life so reach for all the GESTALT you can get!"
  
  
• My grandfather has been smoking for 50 years. His lungs are so full of tar, last week he coughed up a fossil.
  
  
• An obese person and a problem drinker both need the same thing - a good stiff belt.
  
  
• Funny how relationships progress. Someone you first thought of as "first class," winds up "junk mail."
  
  

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