Jokes Today

Ever more, One liners

• Dan Aykroyd has a new video starring UFOs. Said his first ride on one was an unusual experience. After the shock wore off he spoke to the leader who told Aykroyd he should have gone before they left.
  
  
• Since taking office, Bush and his cabinet have been the victims of a seemingly perfect crime: The Great Brain Robbery.
  
  

• You can't believe how fast China is growing. You go to work in the morning and see them laying the cornerstone of a highrise apartment building and on your way home the landlord's evicting a tenant for non-payment of rent.
  
  
• Scientists to this day can't figure out how bees fly - without air traffic controllers.
  
  
• My broker was arrested the other day. Seems he was trying to start a futures market for people with a past.
  
  
• (AFTER A PREPOSTEROUS STATEMENT): I'll believe that when Paris Hilton starts using Tupperware.
  
  
• Rich? When he talks, Warren Buffett listens.
  
  
• Didja hear about the little girl and little boy who played doctor and nurse? She went on strike and he led a rally against the Iraq war.
  
  
• Al Gore's new flick "An Inconvenient Truth" is a rant on how global warming will end civilization as we know it if we don't end civilization as we know it.
  
  
• Gore says he wants to be useful in changing "the minds of the American people...about what this crisis is about." Al, is that useful as in useful idiot?
  
  
• Doctor to patient: “You're going to live to be 90.”
  Patient: “I am 90.”
  Doctor: “See, what did I tell you?”
  
  

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