Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• A soon to be ex-bachelor tried to impress his bride. "See that window? I washed it once."
  
  

• I could tell our marriage was off to a bad start when my wife's family held the reception in divorce court.
  
  
• When my wife and I argue, it always ends in tears. It's frustrating, annoying and irrational - but I can't help crying!
  
  
• Remember fairy tales? Kids today have the same thing, except they're called commercials.
  
  
• (AFTER A MUSICAL ACT): That group reminds me of something. I keep forgetting to have our two cats spayed.
  
  
• (INTRODUCTION) And now, a man who is a legend in his own shorts.
  
  
• As a result of American agricultural assistance, Mexico now practices crop rotation - marijuana one year, poppies the next, then marijuana...
  
  
• I tried to explain Mexico's Export Policy to my kid but he didn't understand the term "Coyotes."
  
  
• Get the impression the nation's Weather Service has cancelled spring and brought back reruns of winter.
  
  
• I think my new neighbor is a millionaire. I mean who else has enough money to fill up their gas tank?
  
  

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