Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

Things may be getting out of hand here. Heard there's a new SUPER HUGE warehouse store opening and every aisle has a safety island.
• The local news announced that there won't be a weather report today. Their meteorologist left his coin at home.
• Hot? I walked into a drug store yesterday and saw the manager removing the guarantee from cans of ARRID XTRA-DRY.
• And when I went out to exercise, it was so hot I wasn't jogging - I was treading sweat!
• The wait at doctors offices is getting WAY outta hand. Went for my annual check-up and the reception area had a vending machine renting army cots.
• Then once I FINALLY got to see my doctor I asked how the check-up went. He said, "Let me put it this way. What do you think about euthanasia?"
• But to top it all off I got the bill from my health insurance carrier and from now on the only payments they'll accept - is gold bullion.
• Scientists are eager to find intelligent life on other planets. While the rest of us are just as eager to find intelligent life in Washington.
• Can't wait for the switch to the metric system when my foot-long hot dog becomes a twenty centimeter weiner.
• Ever get the impression most sports teams moto must be 'We've never met a FELON we didn't like'?

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