Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• President Bush welcomed the Army Special Services Karate Squad to the Whitehouse today. But I think they were a bit overtrained - six soldiers knocked themselves out when they saluted too hard!
  
  

• An exhibitionist at a nudist camp - WEARS clothes!
  
  
• Warren Buffett just transferred $1.6-billion worth of stock to charity but was disappointed when he went to buy a little retirement retreat. Seems Connecticut wasn't for sale.
  
  
• Heard one candidate is so sure he's going to win in November, he's walking for office!
  
  
• First the good news: The government has decided to clean things up. The bad news is they're starting with your wallet.
  
  
• My wife believes in reincarnation. I once asked her what she wanted to come back as. She said, "Your ex-wife."
  
  
• Boy I'm glad summer's almost over. I had a shock in June when I asked my teenage daughter why she was hanging confetti out to dry and she told me it was her new bathing suit!
  
  
• And kids today don't read much. I asked my daughter about the book THE MAKING OF THE PRESIDENT and she told me she didn't read sex novels anymore.
  
  
• My daughter is dating a jockey these days. He's so short, when he walks down the sidewalk, the ants try not to step on HIM.
  
  
• My son, however, is glad school is finally starting. He told me it was bad enough to have a boss who not only wanted him IN by 8 am but WORKING at that hour!
  
  

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