Jokes Today

Today's' One Liners

• Went to a fancy French restaurant in Paris where a hamburger by another name costs more.
  
  
• My hearing improves at night. At 100 yards I can hear a faucet drip.
  
  
• Filthy rich is when you hire a decorator to do your scenic checks.
  
  
• Nicole Kidman cut a good figure at her wedding last weekend. Accidently sat on a broken bottle.
  
  

• Notice how movie stars are all heart? X bought a TV dinner and then threw it away. His TV wasn't hungry.
  
  
• X starred in this movie that was shot two years ago. Last night on Cable TV, it finally died.
  
  
• It's a contradiction in terms - like serving ice cubes at room temperature.
  
  
• A 90 day guarantee means if anything goes wrong, it's 90 days before a repairman shows up.
  
  
• Read my horoscope today. Depressing. Turns out this is my unlucky decade.
  
  
• I went to college four years taking medicine. Then I got well.
  
  
• CIA - Canine Intelligence Agency, speaking to agent, "I can't believe you blew your cover by chasing a car"
  
  
• Hollywood - Where reality is just another thing you fake.
  
  
• "And on the seventh day God rested. That's when he asked me to take over."
  
  
• Remember - no one is perfect - until they write their campaign literature of course.
  
  
• Report From Liliputian Land - Where it's the ANNOYING who inherit the earth.
  
  
• Sleaze-noid News - With two sides to every story - Local & Network
  
  

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