Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• The real reason US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned was because the reporters were getting too aggressive. He decided it was time to leave when he started seeing bayonets on cameras.

• Hillary and Obama are getting real competitive and are making promises for their future administrations. Obama says he wants a fun filled presidency so he promises to appoint the first SECRETARY OF SHTICK.
• Then Hillary decided to show how in shape she is. Got the press together and swam 22 laps across the pool in less than an hour. Of course, she CAN go a lot faster when it's filled with water.
• Hillary and Obama are staying sharp and up to date on the issues. Neither of them ever misses The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.
• Hillary said Obama knows nothing about the White House. Obama admits it but promises if nominated, he'll take the guided tour as often as possible.
• Fox News announced it will premiere a new show for the duration of the 2008 presidential campaign. It's called ISSUES AND EXCUSES.
• All these sex stories coming out of Washington are really disillusioning. It's like finding out the lifeguard at your favorite beach can't swim.
• You can always tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative. If you give them a pair of lint covered socks, a conservative will pick off the fuzz. A liberal will wear them inside-out.
• Kids nowadays just don't care about politics. I asked my daughter what were her views on Hillary and Obama's platforms and she said, "Personally, I find them very hard to walk in."
• 'Party unity?' Lately it seems to mean DISAGREEING on the same issues.

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