Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Traffic is getting really bad. In fact, just to get on the Freeway this morning I had to get on a waiting list.

• Rough neighborhood? My neighbor is holding his annual garage sale to clear out all the stuff his kids stole!
• Yeah, very rough neighborhood. The most popular form of transportation is the stretcher.
• Just got back from playing the slot machines in Las Vegas. Decided they're really just one-armed cactus in disguise. No matter how I pulled it, I always ended up stuck.
• My friend went to China for vacation and said it was a wee bit polluted. In fact he had to drink his water with a fork.
• And he never thought he'd see the day when he could get water colors right from the tap.
• Don't know how the athletes will manage during the 2008 China Olympics. It's a nice place to visit. Just wouldn't want to breath there.
• Got nostalgic and bought some salt water taffy yesterday. Talk about authentic! I chipped a tooth on a barnacle!
• I used to be superstitious but gave it up when I "knocked on wood" in our new mortgage to the hilt home - and a termite knocked back.
• I should have been forewarned. When I first looked at the house, I realized the only way you could do the Australian Craw in the swimming pool - was with a machete.

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