Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Boy the housing sector must be in REAL trouble. Heard the FEDs just sent out for more red ink.
  
  

• Love how my boss goes about hiring new employees. He's very fair about it - has an affirmative action policy - always hiring YES MEN.
  
  
• I'm mad at my son. First year at college he's supposed to be drinking from the tree of knowledge not the glass of BUDWEISER!
  
  
• Of course his sister has her little problems too. Only been driving three months and the neighbors are picketing City Hall. They're demanding the City put a stop sign at our garage door.
  
  
• But my youngest takes the cake. Tried to run away from home but collapsed after one block. He would have gotten further if he hadn't tried to take the refrigerator.
  
  
• I don't know why the kid's such a big eater considering my wife's cooking. Last Christmas, our guests amused themselves by taking the chocolate chips out of my wife's cookies with a screwdriver!
  
  
• I think she's such a bad cook because of her mother. Whenever she would eat something fattening, her mom would say, "And what do you want to be when you grow OUT?"
  
  
• Of course when it comes to the kitchen, my wife thinks I'M the one with the problem. Just 'cause I serve the kids breakfast cereal on paper plates.
  
  
• Now my wife's brother is something else again. Got a lot of pull. I mean NOBODY is faster at opening pop-top beer cans.
  
  
• Just learned my grandfather believed in reincarnation. Before he died, he left a wake-up call at the funeral home.
  
  

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