Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Believe it or not, they have a Dial-A-Joke service in Washington, D.C. You call up information and they give you the number for Congress.
  
  

• Ask a stupid question and Congress will probably appropriate $1,000,000 to find an answer for it.
  
  
• Know how some spend their day watching soap operas? Not my roommate. She'd rather eat. To her, The Guiding Light comes on when she opens the refrigerator door.
  
  
• She is something of an efficiency expert though. Only one I know who runs out of milk and cereal at the same time.
  
  
• She tried to go on a diet once but gave up after a horrorible accident. She was looking into a Pastry Shop window - and someone stepped on her tongue.
  
  
• I keep complaining to the landlord about our plumbing. I told him we either have a very damp basement - or an indoor swimming pool.
  
  
• I'm not very lucky. When economists predicted the housing boom was just around the corner - I got mugged before I got there.
  
  
• And my office is becoming nothing but one big headache. Things have been so rough lately, when I went to the nurse's station for an aspirin, the only thing she found in bottle was an I.O.U.
  
  
• This season's Fall TV shows must be really bad. Keep passing TV repair trucks with bumper stickers that read: BRING BACK RADIO!
  
  
• There's a new green Plasma TV set - solar powered. But there's one little problem with it. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno only comes on at noon.
  
  

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