Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Well school has started and my youngest has already picked up a few new ideas. Yesterday he got a box of Cracker Jacks and tried to pawn the prize.
  
  

• Some of his new friends are so dumb they flunked the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
  
  
• Now my teenage daughter says she's discovered the beauty secret of the stars - cosmetic surgery!
  
  
• My mom says not to worry. Raising teenagers is like washing your clothes. They're just going through a cycle.
  
  
• My son has a lot to learn about history. On his first history test he wrote that on December 7th, the Japanese bombed Pearl Bailey!
  
  
• I must be an optimist. Only an optimist would try living with five daughters and one phone.
  
  
• If newspapers printed only the news that was fit to print, you'd carry the morning paper in your wallet!
  
  
• Did you ever stop to think that mugging is simply "the war on poverty" by criminals?
  
  
• (POLITICIAN) has put his foot in his/her mouth so many times he's developed athlete's tongue!
  
  
• (POLITICIAN) has shot off his mouth so many times he/she had to check into a hospital for powder burns on his lips!
  
  

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