Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• It's 11 PM and I KNOW where my children are. Question is, can I afford to bail them out?
  
  

• My doctor told me I had a weight problem and that I should skip a meal. But I just can't manage it. Skipping makes me spill most of the food!
  
  
• I do believe that you are what you eat though. And I want to eat my way to being beautiful. So every morning, before breakfast, I soak the prunes in wrinkle remover.
  
  
• Fat is when you're continually watching your waistline, because that's the only thing you can see.
  
  
• My parents couldn't afford to support my grandmother so they decided to let the government do it. They framed her and got her arrested.
  
  
• I love watching sunrises. But there's a real big problem. They happen way too early in the morning.
  
  
• The US Postal Service may create a "forever stamp." It will always be valid for mailing, no matter how high rates may rise. And in a 'Truth in Advertising' move, the new stamp will have a picture of a snail.
  
  
• People are getting really pushy these days. I mean, I don't mind people reading my paper over my shoulder but I draw the line when they start clipping the coupons!
  
  
• They say we're living in the Space Age. Huh! If you've every ridden public transportation you KNOW how ridiculous THAT is!
  
  
• It's easy to recognize an ex-school bus driver. They're the ones in front of a hospital begging for spare nerves.
  
  

Prior | Tell us what you think | Next

Add to Your Social Bookmarks: Del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Simpy Spurl Y! MyWeb - Netscape - StumbleUpon StumbleUpon