Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• You know, great cooks run in my family. And the last time my spouse cooked, we all ran for a week.
  
  

• My spouse got mad at me when he/she volunteered to cook for a local charity fund raiser and I suggested that the dinners be free. I figured they'd raise more money just charging for the TUMS!
  
  
• Just found out what happens to little kids who tell lies. They grow up to be politicians.
  
  
• Speaking of politicians, did you hear about the prostitute who left school to take a position?
  
  
• I'm getting so numb about politics. I'm willing to support the first one who's consistent enough to repeat the same lie twice!
  
  
• For years no one liked me and I couldn't figure out why. Then I became a lobbyist. Now people still don't like me but at least I know WHY!
  
  
• I think Secretary of State Condi Rice is slowing down on her world travels. The other day she ate breakfast AND lunch in the same time zone.
  
  
• Did you hear about the door-to-door salesman in the wilds of deepest, darkest Africa? He was called THE FULLER BUSHMAN!
  
  
• You don't find too many salespersons in my upscale neighborhood. Not since the day the Avon Lady stepped on a land mine.
  
  
• The boss's secretary came in late today and he wanted to know why she was coming in at 10:15. But she had a real good reason. If she came in any later she'd miss her coffee break!
  
  

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