Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Well, it's a new year so let's have respect for the past - at least until it's paid for.
  
  

• Colts beat Baltimore 15-6 Saturday. It was because of Baltimore's two-minute offense. They had to go with a two-minute offense because the Colts had the ball the rest of the time.
  
  
• When I played football we didn't have what you'd call a physical team. Most of our players got injured in the huddle!
  
  
• I think my dog is starting to feel old. Every time he scratches, he knocks off his hearing aid.
  
  
• Poor pooch - gave himself whiplash sitting down.
  
  
• But he was a natural in obedience class. Now - I do everything he wants.
  
  
• My other dog makes me a little uneasy though. St. Bernards are nice dogs but mine just coughed up a mailman's uniform!
  
  
• I think my mother's mad at me. Sent me a birthday card and it was addressed to "occupant."
  
  
• There's a lot of nepotism in our company. The elevator operator is the boss's nephew and we work in a one-story building!
  
  
• Cyber porn? Most people I know say they're only going to do it until they need glasses.
  
  

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