Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• You know, I'd try to keep up with the Jones - except Mr. Jones was just arrested for counterfeiting.
  
  

• Found a cheap way of getting a bird for Thanksgiving - electrify the bird feeder.
  
  
• Going to see Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this week? Remember - New York is the city of cash and carry muggers!
  
  
• I'm going to eat Thanksgiving dinner at a very exclusive New York restaurant. You have to give three credit references just to pay in cash.
  
  
• Some diets are just too hard - like the goats milk diet. The first week you drink only tins of goats milk. The second week does have a little more variety - you get to eat the cans.
  
  
• Did you hear about the guy who married for the hell of it? The rest of his life - that's what he had.
  
  
• Many couples have learned that the only way to avoid household pests - is birth control.
  
  
• After the elections my son was inspired to take a political science course. Their first lesson on how politics really works was to bribe their way into class.
  
  
• I don't think Democratic Senator Barack Obama is going throw his hat into the ring for president in 2008. I mean - what would he talk through?
  
  
• "Seinfeld" co-star Michael Richards a raging racist? That's like finding out Lassie has rabies!
  
  

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