Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Elton John has shot off his mouth so many times recently, he was just rushed to a hospital for powder burns on his lips!
  
  

• Atomic Energy experts have found unexplained plutonium and think Iran might have a nuke bomb now - after they saw a worm with a robin in its mouth.
  
  
• Red China is surpassing the rest of the world in some areas. In fact the water is so polluted, water skiers have to use skate boards.
  
  
• Roger Ebert says todays movies are mediocre and are forcing him to go to porn flicks just so he can write a good review.
  
  
• President Hugo Chavez is making some unusual campaign promises. Says things are going to change in Venezuela and will be like Saudi Arabia - where once a day, all will be able to pause, kneel and face the bank.
  
  
• I think my boss is trying to tell me something. Just got my paycheck and it was wrapped in the want ads.
  
  
• I would buy a new car if one thing was made optional - payments.
  
  
• I test drove one car that was too safe. It not only buzzed me when I failed to fasten the seat belt but slapped me around for 5 minutes.
  
  
• My teeth are so bad, I have to call my dentist for permission to chew!
  
  
• My home town is so small, the main street wasn't paved - it was capped!
  
  

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