Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• I'm having second thoughts about my counselor's ability to save my marriage. Last week's session got interrupted by Doc Grundy's wife. She wanted to personally to serve him his divorce papers.
  
  

• I started to have marriage problems when the town hired a new librarian fresh from college. The problem? Books weren't the only thing she'd let you check out.
  
  
• At least she isn't like the head librarian. Wow, is Ms. Jones tough. Our library is the only one in the country that has a book return system staffed by bloodhounds.
  
  
• Almost Valentine's Day. Hope I do better than last year. I did find a girl who didn't like to waste any time when it came to men. Problem was, she believed in MARRIAGE at first sight.
  
  
• Besides I'm thinking of giving up chasing women. Know what an ego deflator it is to keep catching girls that know more than you do!
  
  
• The Bears had so many fumbles and got sacked so many times during the Super Bowl they're going to do a series about it. It's going to be called "M*A*S*H*E*D"
  
  
• And the most popular after-game transportation for the Chicago Bears? A stretcher!
  
  
• Well the wanta-be presidential candidates are starting to get really serious about their campaigns. In fact, a lot of them are practicing giving each other the bird.
  
  
• Don't be too sure all those crime shows on TV aren't having a BIG influence at your house. I just caught my cat frisking a mouse.
  
  
• Here in La-La land they're going to put in a new mini-golf course for medical marijuana smokers - called POT & PUTT.
  
  

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