Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• I've never been very strong. When I went to karate school, they had to start me out on toothpicks.
  
  

• Him? He's the kind of guy who'd take you on safari in lion country then line your sleeping bag lined with kitty litter.
  
  
• I've never been lucky. If I entered a Demolition Derby, they'd give me a ticket for reckless driving.
  
  
• There's a brand new watch for people who vacation on Fire Island. It's just like a regular watch, except the little hand keeps going limp.
  
  
• Too many kids today are born not as a result of a twinkle in the eye but a flaw in the pill.
  
  
• The trouble with growing old? Discovering all those new wrinkles in life are now on your face.
  
  
• Today, I would like to talk about apathy. (PAUSE) Aw, forget it.
  
  
• Don't go away! After the show, we're having a raffle and first prize is a map of downtown with 6 unoccupied parking spaces marked in red!
  
  
• During spring training, you can always tell a baseball rookie. He still calls his chauffeur "MR."
  
  
• Some great new prospects are coming out of this year's spring training. One team had so many speedy rookies they had to hold their camp at the Bonneville Salt Flats!
  
  

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