Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• I'm not the greatest cook. I remember the first time I made pizza. My roommates sold it on E-Bay as a manhole cover.
  
  

• One of my roommates practices isometric thinking. He puts a pillow on the coach and presses his head against it.
  
  
• I love his dog though, even if the pooch is a bit opinionated. Could only paper-train the mutt on the editorial page.
  
  
• This roomie is having a lot of trouble in college 'cause he reads so slow. It takes him two sittings to just read a fortune cookie!
  
  
• It's amazing how some car manufacturers have managed to make everything small about their compact cars - except the price.
  
  
• When I bought my small car the dealer assured me it had the power of forty horses. After driving on the freeway I can only assume he meant SEA HORSES!
  
  
• The salesman told me the model I bought was above the competition. And for once he was right - it spends most of the time on a garage hoist.
  
  
• So I'm thinking of trading it in for a bigger car. You know, for one that doesn't come equipped with a bottle opener for removing hubcaps.
  
  
• One thing in life I've learned - all things come to those who are on a spammer's mailing list.
  
  
• Know what you get when you cross an Irishman with an Hawaiian? A UKESHILLELAGH.
  
  

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