Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• It's almost St Patrick's Day. The one day of the year when you wear green and find your favorite cocktail lounge has mysteriously turned into a pub.
  
  

• To those of you who wonder if Bill Gates is Irish? Gotta be. He certainly has enough GREEN!
  
  
• Ah - it's spring - when love blooms. And I get my usual crop of forget-me-notes.
  
  
• Tried to join a Lonely Hearts Club but they told me that they weren't that lonely.
  
  
• This Global Warming scare has just gone too far. Went to buy a home on the coast and I had to choose whether I wanted one with or without an anchor.
  
  
• It's finally happened. Just heard of a study where they're experimenting on people to find cures for hamsters.
  
  
• My doctor must have gotten his sheep skin from Degrees R Us. He really thinks you catch 'communicable diseases' over the phone!
  
  
• He talks so foolishly sometimes, his dentist must fill his teeth with "Silly Putty."
  
  
• My daughter wanted a portrait of her first true love. So she framed her cell phone.
  
  
• She said her best friend just got married. But I don't think that marriage is going to last. The bride and groom asked the caterer for separate checks.
  
  

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