Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• (POLITICAL CANDIDATE) personality is so dull that when sheep want to fall asleep - they count him/her!
  
  

• I'm not saying (POLITICAL CANDIDATE) is crooked but he/she has to take his/her hat off with a cork-screw.
  
  
• Anti-war activists unclear on the subject of Iraq? Who else would go to see the movie JAWS and root for the shark!
  
  
• Here it is, Fall again. But you can also call it AUTUMN. That's an old Indian word meaning FOOTBALL!
  
  
• Here's some free medical advise. If you get a case of boils and can't afford a doctor, see a free-lancer.
  
  
• My doctor is the only one left in town who still makes house calls. Wants to keep his chauffeur busy.
  
  
• Not only is Wesley Snipes on the lam for tax fraud but it's rumored he also thinks incest is okay - as long as it stays in the family.
  
  
• Heather Mills McCartney filed for divorce from Paul McCartney because of mental cruelty. Seems Paul asked Heather why her panty hose was bagging at the knee and she wasn't wearing any!
  
  
• Paul has accused Heather Mills McCartney of being disconnected from reality. When it's really hot out, she believes chickens lay hard boiled eggs.
  
  
• My parrot was arrested for making obscene phone calls. My fault. Shouldn't have given him his own cell phone.
  
  

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