Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• Al Qaeda in its efforts to provide a few perks for terrorists has just created a new organization - the VFA - VETERANS OF FOREIGN ASSASSINATIONS.
  
  

• All this news about Castro's hospital stay has people rehashing old stories about the dictator. Like the time the CIA tried to assassinate Castro with an exploding seashell. It would have worked too but they couldn't convince Fidel the ocean made a ticking sound.
  
  
• Crime is down here and there but what remains is audacious. Just read about a fellow who was robbed on his way to his wedding and what makes it so bad - he was walking down the aisle at the time!
  
  
• The Chinese police have a unique way of fighting crime. They've developed a device that blows away the smog so you can see the face of they guy mugging you.
  
  
• Did you hear about the faith healer who had to give up bowling because the holes in his ball kept closing up?
  
  
• For the typical small businessperson, a profit is being able to operate at a deficit for one more year.
  
  
• I'll tell you what dinner is like at our house. The other day I overheard my wife asking the grocery store clerk for Left-Over Helper.
  
  
• I think I'm over worked. Just found myself addressing an envelope with my cell phone number while trying to dial my zip code.
  
  
• I've just discovered a new conspiracy. You know those safety caps on medicine bottles? They're the secret ingredient behind how most tranquilizers work. By the time you get the cap off, you've forgotten what was making you uptight!
  
  
• President Bush wants the UN to offer Kofi Annan a new post when he retires as Secretary General next year - Ambassador to the Bermuda Triangle!
  
  

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