Jokes Today

Everyday - One Liners

• There ARE a few honest politicians still out there. Heard of one New York candidate. On his petition to run for office, in the box for race - he filled in "RAT".
  
  

• I just figured out that the best career to have is as a psychiatrist. I mean how many people have jobs where the customer is always wrong?
  
  
• The trouble with our jails today is that they're just crawling with criminals!
  
  
• The "runaway bride" Jennifer Wilbanks, is suing her former fiance for $500,000. I guess if possession is nine-tenths of the law, this chick will never be charged with intelligence!
  
  
• Al Gore is going to launch a revolutionary new 24-hour TV channel in Britain. On his first show, he's going to invite all his friends. But don't worry. He'll have guest on his second show too.
  
  
• I don't like to complain about the quality of TV these days, but in the TV listings under "best bet" they had The Tidy Bowl Commercial!
  
  
• I got really pessimistic about the world situation when I called Dial-A-Prayer and got an atheist.
  
  
• Boy, I'll never do that again. Wore a bathing suit on a nudist beach and was arrested for decent exposure.
  
  
• I haven't punched a clock in 3 years. But yesterday I did kick a sundial.
  
  
• The airlines must be in real trouble. They charged me extra for the bags under my eyes.
  
  

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