Jokes Today

One Liners for today

• Ever get a catalog that says on the cover "LAST ONE!" All I can say is, promises, promises, promises.
  
  
• I'm not saying public transportation in San Francisco is SLOW but UFO sightings outnumber bus sightings 2 to 1.
  
  

• DATELINE SAN FRANCISCO: Sharks sighted off of Stinson Beach and inside City Hall.
  
  
• There's a new low price airline starting today with "fourth class service." They truck you and your luggage out to the runway and as the plane is taking off, you grab for the wheels!
  
  
• Drought is so bad in Australia, Prime Minister John Howard has devised a revolutionary approach to tackle the country's urban water shortage. Teams of 50 firemen will blow out all 2-alarm fires.
  
  
• Football rookies are starting to show up at camp but they've got some questions. Considering how common injuries are in pro-ball, they don't know whether to get insured by Lloyd's of London or Plaster of Paris.
  
  
• My girl friend has a striking figure. She's shaped like a picket sign.
  
  
• I'm getting a new doctor. Took his prescription to the drugstore to get it filled and the pharmacist said he could fill it for me alright but I'd have to get the eye-of-newt.
  
  
• You've heard of Weight Watchers? Well, now there's an organization for religious fat people. They call themselves the Holy Roly-Poly's.
  
  
• I'm getting old. I picked up the Yellow Pages and it was my old high school year book.
  
  

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