Jokes Today

More One Liners

• People think everything today is too commercialized, but it's always been that way. Did you know that after he signed the Declaration of Independence, John Hancock landed a big endorsement contract with a quill pen company?
  
  

• And there's a lot of controversy over a two page document recently discovered. At first they thought it was intended to be part of the final draft to the Declaration of Independence. But they've got some doubts now. Turns out one of the signatures was Richard M. Nixon's.
  
  
• I think my kids are sending me a subtle message. They sent out the Fourth of July barbecue invitations on bottles of Pepto Bismol.
• My kid is real excited about going to summer camp this year. When we checked the camp out I was surprised just how luxurious it was. I'd never before seen a tent with an escalator.
  
  
• Kids can be a real pain when they're trying to be the most helpful. Like last weekend our twelve-year-old washed his mother's wigs in the blender and then dried them in the microwave oven.
  
  
• Just saw the Omen 2006. It was okay but I understand next year they're coming out with the ultimate in horror films: King Kong and Big Foot Versus Jaws and the Loch Ness Monster.
  
  
• I shot an arrow into the air; It fell to earth, I knew not where; It pierced the heart of a girl I knew; No parole before 2022.
  
  
• I have a dirty little secret. Joined a voyeurs organization. Once a month we meet at a rented hall, stand outside - and look in through the windows.
  
  
• Heard a radio commercial on my iPod recently that went, "Good to the last drop!" Kind of jarring because at the time I was in an elevator.
  
  
• My uncle used to fish with artificial worms until his tackle box was dive bombed by a flock of plastic flamingoes.
  
  

Prior | Tell us what you think | Next

Add to Your Social Bookmarks: Del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Simpy Spurl Y! MyWeb - Netscape - StumbleUpon StumbleUpon