Jokes Today

Current Event One Liners

• Nicole Kidman says she still loves Tom Cruise. Just goes to show you love is blind - and evidently deaf and dumb too.
  
  

• Patrick Kennedy plowed his car into a security barricade on Capitol Hill last week. Took him awhile come up with the final explanation it was all due to Ambien. That was because he had to go home first and look up the symptoms.
  
  
• April 1st is April Fool's Day. Six months later here in the USA we have another Fools Day. That's when the US Supreme Court returns to work.
  
  
• Seems Jupiter is also experiencing global warming. Scientists have decided it's due to either intergalactic SUVs or all that hot air coming out of Washington.
  
  
• Poll shows that 60% of US youth are geographically ignorant. Probably because the only geographic regions teachers today seem willing to explore is below their student's belts.
  
  
• My boss believes in the rule of reason. If you disagree with him, there must be a reason why you're wrong.
  
  
• I don't know how he became the boss. He failed as a door to door salesman. Said every house he approached already had a door.
  
  
• Yoga is everywhere these days. The newest twist is for childish executives. Called "Tantrum Yoga". You mediate while smashing desktops and continually repeating the mantra, "I'll sue."
  
  
• I think the hardest job in the world must be foreman in the factory that makes those buttons: "Question Authority."
  
  
• Ever wonder about the expression "Shot to death." I mean, have you ever heard of anyone who was "Shot to life?"
  
  

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