Jokes Today

More One liners

• It's election time and the Democrats have come up with a one word national security policy platform and the word is - RUN!!!
  
  
• Did you hear how hard-line Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejadof fired an aide when the he caught him gazing out the window, thinking about reality?
  
  

• The Post Office assures us that they'll get the mail through after a nuclear war - so that's what it takes!
  
  
• I love to watch guests on cable news shows analyze current murder and mayhem cases - with all the dispassion of a lynch mob.
  
  
• There's a new flic about angry mental patients forced to work in a winery: "Grapenuts of Wrath."
  
  
• Madonna has the skin of a teenager. She keeps it in her closet and throws darts at it.
  
  
• When Madonna was young, she had so many men on her, no matter where she went she was declared a loading zone.
  
  
• Britney Spears is being harassed by her record label to to lose weight now that she can no longer slip through a mail slot.
  
  
• Sharon Stone's Basic Instincts II is a flop. But she says she has a surprise for Basic Instincts III. In that one, she'll keep her clothes ON!
  
  
• I guess no one has told Sharon, but she's been spotted speeding down the fast track to yesterday's news.
  
  
• Some Martians were cruising through the solar system in their spacecraft when they got a sudden hankering for a bit of Earth cuisine. But lacking any local currency, they tried to steal something from a convenience store.
  Just as they were about to sneak out of the store, a clerk saw them and yelled. The Martians dropped the snacks and quickly beamed back up to the mother ship where their colleagues were decidedly angry.
  "You couldn't even snatch a few candy bars without getting caught?” they cried. “What happened?”
  “I don't know how the shopkeeper saw us,” answered one of the Martians. “She must have had eyes in the front of her head!”
  

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