Jokes Today

More One liners

Automation means sitting around and watching your work being done for you. If you're over 90, it's called senility. If your under 21 it's called having a mother.

Having trouble with your spouse? Here are four little words that will solve your problems: "I want a divorce."

I can stomach whatever the world dishes out - as long as it doesn't come from the company cafeteria.

I was in a high-rise so tall, they didn't have fire exits. Just directions on how to get to the pearly gates.

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is comming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the carkeys and drove to Arizona. - Bob Hope

Didja hear about the satellite that can take a picture of half of the entire hemisphere. First time they tried to take a snapshot it was a failure - somebody moved.

"...And now, having each recited the vows they have written themselves, we all realize the importance of education"

Enron. Duke Cunningham. "Desperate Housewives." Just what we need: more tips on how to behave badley.

I have a new answer to chance encounters. I tell them they can call me any day as long as it is a day without the letter "y" in it.

Rich. His piggy bank has a drive-up window.

I had a moving sexual experience once. Turned out my bedroom was over an uncharted earthquake zone.

My best friend just bought a house. It has everything - except a calendar to keep track of when all the payments come due.

There's a new Dracula movie coming this Fall. In it Dracula falls in love with Hillary Clinton, bites her on the neck and dies of frost bite.

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