Jokes Today

More One liners

• Hillary Clinton hasn't thrown her hat into the 2008 Presidential Election ring yet, but she's sure doing a great job of juggling it.
  
  
• It's a good thing that Hillary's a politician 'cause she's no cook. A friend from her youth said she always knew when Hillary was in the kitchen. "The aroma told me she was whipping something up because I didn't have any dirty sneakers that smelled that bad."
  

• Have you heard about the team of economic advisers Clinton formed for her future Presidential run? A pal in the know said they're a perfect example of excessive prophets.
  
  
• Figured out how to survive this winter's high heating fuel bills. Four days a week I turn off the furnace and freeze.
  
  
• Kelly Osbourne should quit with the advice. She told the EPA that the best way to fight against acid rain would be with a really big Tums umbrella.
  
  
• Traffic lights have a different meaning in Iraq. There they mean "Ready, Aim, FIRE!"
  
  
• When an Iraqi driver approaches an intersection, they stick their hands out the window. Not to signal, to show they're unarmed.
  
  
• In Iraq, a polite driver is someone who only wounds you.
  
  
• And in Bagdad, hood ornaments often double as rifle sights.
  
  
• I knew at once my kid's school was in trouble when I visited his high school class and saw this young man with mittens pinned to his jacket sleeves. Of course, this man didn't know any better. It was his first teaching job.
  
  

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