Jokes Today

A.A.A.D.D.

Recently I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day...
• ...the car isn't washed,
• ...the bills aren't paid,
• ...there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter ,
• ...the flowers don't have enough water,
• ...there is still only 1 check in my check book,
• ...I can't find the remote,
• ...I can't find my glasses,
• ...and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail...

Response of a 60 year old woman

Age activated???? Heck, this is just my life . . .

Response of a 62 year old man

Nothing is different, when you were younger, you wanted to start your day mowing the yard to start the weekend, but got sidetracked looking for breakfast, saw last nights empty beer can, went to the store for more beer for a hot date later in the day. Then returned home to put the beer in the fridge and realizing that you still needed breakfast. but it was too late, so you went out for a late brunch. You were going to meet a friend, but had to go back home for your wallet then back to your friends. You stooped long enough to have a beer, a joint and listen to the latest Bob Dylan album, got the munchies and continued onto brunch which now time for a late lunch. After satisfying your munchies you floated home, needed a nap from all of the hard work thinking about mowing the grass, woke up took a shower for your hot date. Your date showed up, helped you drink some beers, got stoned and you talked her into some more munchies for supper, You had more beer and spent hours trying to select the right music. She spent hours telling you about space and far out dreams. At the end of the weekend the grass had not been mowed, but you had smoked a lot of the grass, had not gotten laid you were accusing they of a government conspiracy to change time and space to make you work harder and longer for the "Man."

I really don't see much difference from your medically diagnosed condition. I think you are still stoned form the 60's.

Bob (The Ball Reports)

Response of a 72 year old woman

Well, I certainly hope you are kidding.

But probably we all have a touch of it.

It's all part of what I believe is driving everyone nuts!!! Need to keep up with all the trivial changes imposed by outsider that we cannot afford to ignore if we just want to do enough to tread water (forget about getting ahead on the trivia).

The credit card # change which not only requires confirming phone call (from the correct phone of course) and the debit card number change (same requirement ) but also any thing you have on automatic must be notified. Meanwhile the place on automatic made a change of some kind to be worked into the matrix.

Also big changes like Bob Baker Ford going out of business!!! They have given me wonderful service which of course I expected to go on forever. No replacement company is going to treat me like a valued original customer.

Maybe time to join a back-to-the-land movement. A couple of cows, some weeds, and relax.

J.

Prior | Tell us what you think | Next

Add to Your Social Bookmarks: Del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Simpy Spurl Y! MyWeb - StumbleUpon