Jokes Today

How Men Interpret Language

It's really very simple, once you get the hang of it. A few examples:

"I'm going fishing ."
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

"It's a guy thing."
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

"Can I help with dinner?"
Translated: Why isn't it already on the table?

"Uh huh, sure honey." or,
"Yes, dear."
Translated: (Means absolutely nothing -- it's a conditioned response.)

"It would take too long to explain."
Translated: I haven't the foggiest.

"I was listening to you. It's just ... I have lots of things on my mind."
Translated: Huh? I wasn't listening.

"Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
Translated: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting, dear."
Translated: Oh, are you still talking?

"You know how bad my memory is."
Translated: I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the license plate numbers of every car I've had. But I have no idea when your birthday is.

"I dunno ... I was just thinking about you, and when I saw these roses I just thought you'd like them."
Translated: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Translated: I've severed a limb, but I'll bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.

"I've got my reasons for what I'm doing".
Translated: ...and I sure hope I think of some soon.

"I can't find it."
Translated: It didn't fall into my out-stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.

"What did I do this time?"
Translated: What did you catch me at?

"I heard you."
Translated: I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find that out.

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Translated: I am used to the way you yell at me, and I realize it could be worse.

"You look terrific."
Translated: Oh God, please don't try on any more clothes!

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translated: No human will ever see us alive again.

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