Jokes Today

What You Must Believe to be a Good Democrat

• You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
  
  

• You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
  
  
• You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
  
  
• You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
  
  
• You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
  
  
• You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
  
  
• You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
  
  
• You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
  
  
• You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
  
  
• You have to believe that self esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
  
  
• You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
  
  
• You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
  
  
• You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
  
  
• You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
  
  
• You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
  
  
• You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
  
  
• You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
  
  

• You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
  
  
• You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
  
  
• You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
  
  
• You have to believe that the posting of this list is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
  
  

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