Everyone's Health

Pump Up The Passion!

Michele Hickford

Ah, the cozy comfort of a stable relationship. Always having someone to cuddle up with. Friday nights with a pizza and movie, curled up on the sofa. Leisurely Sunday breakfast with a big stack of newspapers and a bigger stack of pancakes. No need to go out on a Saturday night trawling, because you’ve already hauled in your catch. Oh, the contentment. And... the boredom.

I often say that everything in life is a trade-off, and in terms of relationships, you trade the often stressful excitement of dating for warm and fuzzy stability. Which, unfortunately, can turn into dull monotony. That forces a break-up. And generates more stressful excitement.

The conundrum is that most of us do really crave a stable relationship. We actually work hard to build the sort of thing we end up running screaming from years (or even months) later.

If only we could keep the comfort and ban the boredom. So, how do you do it? Well, here’s what not to do.

1. Don’t close yourself off to the rest of the world. One of the things that makes you interesting to your partner is the fact that you have other interests. So, don’t stop doing the things that made you YOU before you became a WE. If you used to play sports or throw pottery, make time for those other activities (If you used to be a lap dancer, you might not want to make time for this activity... unless your partner wants to come along and watch.)

2. Don’t stop being spontaneous. That’s what makes dating so fun! You never know what you’re going to do next weekend. So, why not give each other the “assignment” of planning a night out? One Friday it’s your responsibility, the next, your sweetie’s. Don’t let them tell you what’s up until the last minute.

3. Don’t be afraid to be a teeny bit kinky. Turn off the TV one night and play strip poker, or strip Parcheesi. It doesn’t matter! Make time for each other and play a game. Have a massage night. Or a “9 1/2 Weeks Night.” Take a bunch of things out of the fridge, take turns blindfolding each other and see if you can guess what you’re tasting or touching. It may make you think twice about eating Miracle Whip...

4. Don’t stop trying to make an impression. Remember when you went out on a date, and you spent hours agonizing over what to wear? And then there was the special ritual you went through to get all dolled up? A friend of mine calls it going for a “full poodle.” Well, don’t forget your “doggy style.” Woof. Woof. Keep dressing up for each other.

Yes, those Swiss cheese sweats may be the most comfortable garments on the planet, but they are NOT alluring. (I love it when my sweetie and I get dressed up to go out to dinner. Then we come home and dance in the living room until we’re not wearing any clothes. Yes, we dance “energetically.”)

The thing is, fighting boredom does take some effort. Because that’s really what caused boredom in the first place -- the lack of effort. So keep trying! The excitement really is still there, buried under the sofa pillows, TV Guide, sweat pants and Doritos bags. Trust me. You just have to dig it out.

Got anything stuck behind your sofa?

Prior | Tell us what you think | Next

Add to Your Social Bookmarks: Del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Simpy Spurl Y! MyWeb - StumbleUpon