Everyone's Health

Is love making you fat?

Lisa Bertagnoli

How exercise can boost your love life. Making peace with your body

Two and a half years ago, Virginia Ng had eating habits a dietitian would be proud of. The 25-year-old public relations professional from Seattle cooked up healthful veggie stir-fries every night and rarely ate dessert. She also exercised regularly, mixing up her routine with aerobics, jogging and weight training. She was the picture of good health.

That was then. These days, Ng isn't nearly as careful with her diet and physical fitness; not surprisingly, she is 25 pounds heavier. What's her explanation for the healthy-living downturn? Finding a boyfriend. "I seem to get into a mental and physical rut when I'm in relationships," says Ng.

We've all heard women lament the fact that a relationship can mean a bigger dress size. Now science adds credibility to their complaints. A Cornell University study of 1,980 married people found that women are more prone to gaining weight during the first year of marriage than men.

In many long-term relationships, the motivation to stay thin fades, explains Edward Abramson, a professor of psychology at California State University-Chico and the author of "Marriage Made Me Fat." Part of the attitude shift is a waning interest in conforming to a strict beauty ideal that the male species is supposedly drawn to -- a woman in a relationship has already found a partner to love her. "Women engage in restrictive behaviors when they're single, and it's hard to maintain that over a period of time," says Abramson. "When they get married [or seriously involved], their motivation decreases."

When life gets to be just a little too much, escape from those blue meanies into the world of music. Of course, it's a good thing that love makes us feel worthy, regardless of our shape and size. But it's never good to give up healthful eating and exercise. There are ways to recognize and deal with fat-making relationship trends. Read on.

In Love, Out of Shape

A smorgasbord of these in-love behaviors can lead to taking in too many calories and burning too few:

The romantic dinner. It's a rich repast accompanied by several glasses of wine and a sinful dessert. There might be, ahem, "exercise" after such a splendid evening, but not enough to burn the extra 1,000 or so calories you've just racked up.

The lazy weekend. As a singleton, you might have gone bike riding or jogging on a sunny Saturday. As part of a happy couple, you might sleep in, have brunch and then head to a matinee. Kevin Kennedy, a personal trainer in New York City, sums it up: "Me time becomes we time." Spending time with your partner becomes more important than dieting or working out.

Competitive eating. Another pitfall that women fall prey to is trying to match their men calorie for calorie. Considering that a 6-foot, 165-pound man needs about 2,300 calories a day to maintain his weight while a 5-foot-7-inch, 138-pound woman needs only 1,800 calories, it's no wonder that women in love often pack on extra pounds. Eat your guy's recommended caloric intake each day and you'll gain as much as a pound a week!

Butterflies in your stomach. The psychology of romance can also tip the scale. "Both good and bad stress can catapult someone to the refrigerator," says Cheryl Sindell, a registered dietitian and clinical nutritionist in Los Angeles whose expertise is emotional eating. "Often, instead of communicating their true feelings, such as insecurities or stirrings of love, people in relationships literally stuff down their feelings with food," she says.

Having a Healthy Relarionship

Before you swear off love for your body's sake, take heart: There are ways to keep relationship-centered weight gain in check. Abramson's research shows that couples who diet together are more successful than solo dieters. They can be supportive of each other, and it's easier to make changes such as banishing cookies from the house, Abramson says. Here are other fat-busting tactics:

Use your downtime. Kennedy suggests identifying a time of day when your guy isn't available -- does he work late or head to the office early? -- and using that time to exercise. That way, you won't be forced to choose between your honey and your health.

Keep things in perspective. To avoid matching your mate forkful for forkful, try to keep an image in your mind of your man as an SUV and yourself as a moped. In other words, he needs more fuel!

Stay tuned to yourself. If you're experiencing emotional eating, Sindell recommends a healthy dose of self-awareness. Be honest about your feelings and the effect they're having on your eating habits. "Take time to write in a journal to get in touch with how you feel," she suggests. Also, keeping a food diary helps you figure out when you overeat and why, and that's the first step toward taking action.

Talk among yourselves. Don't be afraid to discuss your dietary concerns with your partner. Even if he's defensive at first, a good guy will take your observations to heart and try to support your healthy habits.

Dawn Giles, 48, the owner of a marketing and communications firm in Rhode Island, has put on 12 pounds since meeting her boyfriend eight months ago. Recently she confronted her man about how his unwillingness to exercise -- and the excess 60 pounds he's carrying around -- are bad news for both the couple's health and their happiness. Since then, the two have been cooking at home more and taking their dogs for long, brisk walks in the evenings. All that makes Giles optimistic. "We both understand that this relationship is good, but there are obstacles to overcome," she says. "If we can overcome them, we have a great future ahead."

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