The BALL REPORTS

News As I Like It, Not As You See It:

Running for the running mate

September 5, 2008

I don’t get it.  I just don’t get it.  Why did he pick HER when he could have had ME?  I’ve got all the right anatomical parts.  If he felt like he had to have a woman on the ticket, why not me?

According to what I read, not too many qualifications are needed.  And that’s exactly what I’ve got – not too many qualifications.

I have a pair of frameless glasses.  I had them fixed after one of the lenses broke.  Frameless glasses are sometimes not all they are cracked up to be -- just like Vice Presidential candidates.

Now it’s true that she has a nice hairdo with her hair pulled up on top of her head, but I could put mine up in a beehive like I used to back when that style was popular.  So that should not prevent me from being chosen

I have a lot of red dresses in my closet too.

I don’t have five kids; I only have three, which means I would have more time to devote to the office instead of to motherhood.  I’m already a grandmother, so I’m well ahead of her there as well.

She calls herself a soccer mom, but my kids were also involved in sports.  If she thinks soccer moms are tough, I’ve got news for her.  No soccer mom alive could take a little leaguer’s mom.   Ask any umpire that came out alive after calling a little league mom’s kid out at home plate.

Lipstick, I’ve got plenty of that, all shades, not just red.

Now I can’t say that agree with her ideas on what’s good for the environment, and I’m not really into hunting or dressing moose.  Why do they call it dressing it anyhow?  Shouldn’t it be called undressing?

I can fish with a rod and reel, and I’ve been known to pull in a few bass that put up a pretty good fight.  However, I have to admit that I’d rather get my fish already fried down at the catfish house.

As far as political experience, I never was the mayor of a small town, but I was the wife of one.  Being the wife of a politician should count. It did for Hillary.

I’m not the governor of anything, but some people think that being governor of Alaska is like not being governor of anything either.  It is so remote from the rest of the states that people there live a different sort of lifestyle.

 

She just got a passport for the first time last year; I’ve had my passport so long it has expired.  I’ve been not only to Canada and Mexico, but I’ve been to London too.  If not knowing much about international matters helps, I’m still in the running.

She was a journalist in her earlier days, if you call a sportscaster a journalist.  That’s why she can read a teleprompter so well.  As a writer, I could write my own speeches and jokes, so we could probably save the campaign a few dollars on that. 

So, you can see that if being someone who is just like everyone else is a good thing, then I definitely should have been the running mate.  If we don’t need the brightest, smartest, or most intelligent person to lead the country, then just about anyone is qualified.

That’s why I just can’t understand it.  My ego may not quite be big enough yet, but if asked, I could not have declined to serve.   If not being qualified is a qualification, I would have been the better choice.

Actually, I think I have it figured out.  Considering the lack of qualifications that I have, there could only be one reason.  I don’t think it should matter with him claiming to be a maverick and not a party regular, but apparently it does. 

I guess he thought it would hurt the ticket – just because I’m a member of the opposite party.

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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