The BALL REPORTS

News As I Like It, Not As You See It:

O.K., this really IS an underground reporter!!

April 7, 2007

A. Roach, Washington, DC :

As a member in good standing of the Order Blattodea, Phylum of Arthropda, I would posit that humans should do absolutely nothing to address the problem of global warming. As members of the Order of Primates, Phylum of Chordata, you humans have firmly established your reputation for destructive behavior, both self-destructive and destructive of other forms of life and the environment.

Since you first appeared approximately 200,000 years ago, you so-called 'modern' humans have engaged in and accelerated behaviors that have threatened the survival of other life forms and -- on more than one occasion -- resulted in the actual extinction of other species. Your overriding preoccupations with self-interest and self-gratification routinely blind you to the exigency for you to 'leave small footprints on the planet." Instead you stomp around the planet, foolishly believing that you are the indestructible masters of all you survey. One can only conclude that most humans are incurably deaf, dumb and blind to any reasoned approach to a shared existence with other species on this world.

We Cockroaches have been around since the Carboniferous period, between 354-295 million years ago. Over that period, we have shared the planet with thousands of other species of life and never, until the appearance of humans, have we witnessed any other species so negatively impact the planet's ecosystem. The air befouled, the waters polluted, the land poisoned or sterilized; these are the legacies of humanity. Yet, it is we Cockroaches who have been cast as disease carrying vermin, a germ vector plague on the land, a species to be stomped, swatted and sprayed out of existence. Well, global warming may correct this injustice.

So, I encourage you to continue your endless debates over global warming. Please feel free to ignore overwhelming scientific evidence of climate change. Don't become a signatory country to Kyoto. Buy your SUVs, build your polluting factories, clear cut your rain forests and, generally, engage in every manner of self- and group destructive behavior that you desire or can imagine. In one hundred, two hundred or a thousand years, we of the Order of Blattodea, Phylum of Arthropoda will be around to pick up the pieces. After all, we Cockroaches can survive a nuclear winter, so we are confident that we can survive global warming. Out of hiding shall we come, out of darkness shall we emerge!

Found at: newsweek.washingtonpost.com/postglobal/2007/02/how_to_stop_global_climate_cha/comments.html#854710

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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