The BALL REPORTS

The holidays are killing us like no terrorist can

December 15, 2006

Candy is Dandy, consensual sex is better

Here it is, Christmas again and the whole world is turning into sugar and spice. For some reason, we just don't seem to be able to celebrate the holiday without filling ourselves with sweets.

What is it about the Christmas season that brings out the sweet side of people? And I don't mean sweet, as in "nice." I mean sweet as in candy, cookies, cake, and other goodies. I feel like I'm dancing in tune with the sugar plum fairy.

"Here, have a cookie! The ones with the cranberries are good. Did you try the chocolate chip ones?" And this was at a business meeting. Just because it is Christmas, the world has turned into a candy kitchen.

You can't get through the door at Wal-Mart without falling over the stacks of decorated cupcakes conveniently located where you have to pass right by them. And that is not even to mention the featured displays of candy at the checkout lane.

Temptation preys on my weakness for the hard Christmas candy that you can only get during the Christmas season. I know that I won't be able to get it for a whole year if I don't eat it now, which makes it twice as hard to pass by.

Maybe it is the sugar rush to the brain making me hyper, or maybe it is just my sugarcoated imagination, but I sometimes feel as if candy canes and chocolate covered cherries are chasing me. I'm running as fast as I can, but the sweets are always there first when I arrive, regardless of where I go.

It's tough to say "no" to all this sugar, especially when we have been conditioned to think that sweet is a treat and sugary items are "goodies".

"Care for a free sample?" At the grocery store they are handing it out in the produce aisles. "Would you like a discount coupon?"

We are living in gingerbread houses with frosting dripping from the rooftops. The average American consumes 20 pounds of sugar a year. Still, we can't seem to get enough of the stuff. Obesity is one of our biggest health problems.

"Would you care for dessert?" Of course, I would. I didn't get enough sugar in my cola drink. I really need more.

Everything is candied, caramelized, or coated with chocolate. Some breakfast cereals have as much sugar as a bar of chocolate. We put Twinkies in our lunch boxes, and gourmet coffee is often more like a dessert than a beverage. Very few items on the grocery shelf do not list sugar as one of their ingredients.

Holidays are worst of all, because sweets and sugar treats are pushed, flaunted, and waved in our face like at no other time of the year. We manage to rationalize our over indulgences with enough excuses to put several additional pounds under our belts during the holiday season.

So. I've been thinking that if I'm going to eat sugar anyhow, why disguise it as breakfast "candy" or a gourmet beverage? I might as well just consume pure sugar and get it over with. Pass the candy dish.

December Guest Reporter

SRD

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