The BALL REPORTS

Gloom & Doom Election Results

- Insanity Continues - We are Safe

November 19, 2006

The World was supposed to end immediately if not sooner if the Democrats won control of the House and Senate in the2006, midterm elections held this month. This reporter has been holding his breath, while waiting to grab an award winning photograph of this never before seen event. My panel of scientific experts were finally able to save me by intravenously feeding me with coffee and sticky notes claiming the world was still here and the our normally sane politically leaders in charge were still self distracting as most oxymoron's are prone to do.

Dick Cheney - Duck Hunting: Lame Duck Open Season?

Vice President Dick Cheney went duck hunting on election day. Very soon

after the VP got out of Washington, Donald Rumsfield, the Secretary of Defense was fired by Mr. Bush. It should be noted a week before the election, that Mr. Bush had claimed that Rumsfield and Cheney would be on his team until the end of George Bush's term as president. A few people thought it just might be possible that George Bush was going to resign. Mr. Bush has always claimed that he was "A man of his word." It stands to reason, if his Bush's top men were going, our leader would go along with them.

Bush's follows Jane Fonda's path to Viet Nam

George Bush set out on a vision quest to Viet Nam, seeking a new solution to the Slog in Iraq. Following in the footsteps of Jane Fonda, Bush went to Hanoi, to wine and dine with the Communist leaders of Viet Nam. Bush was impressed with the economic development and progress made by the country after Richard Nixon ended the Viet Nam War by withdrawing US Forces thirty years ago. Several shortsighted Bush critics felt Bush had left the National Guard and gone to Washington thirty years ago to avoid going to Viet Nam, and now after the Republicans lost control of Congress and the Senate, Bush was going Viet Nam to get out of Washington. I'll let you be the judge. I'm not sure if Bush was trying to keep up with Viet Nam war vet John Kerry or Jane Fonda. I do know the Republicans have vilified every Democrat that has gone to Viet Nam by choice, or under military orders, including draftees.

Slow Spin Election Analysis - Lame Duck to Replace Turkey

Our Fearless Leader and his party lost control of Congress in the Midterm elections. Take a look at some of the behind the scenes spin doctors as they try to explain the real cause of Republicans loosing control.

Bush Flexible on Iraq??? Ask Tony Snow

These aren't the only strange things going on. Tony Snow, Bush's press secretary is upset that critics and supporters alike that claim Bush has been very inflexible on Bush's policy on Iraq. Snow claims the opposite is true and Bush has always been flexible. Snow is the same guy you saw on the Fox news network along with O'Reily and Hannitty claiming that they were fair and unbiased propagandists.

Election Withdrawal Syndrome - Fox News

Fox news, itself is going through some tough times withdrawing from politics, now that the election is over. Fox News is is ready to air a program promoting OJ Simpson's soon to be released book where O.J. tells how he would have killed his wife Nicole Simpson if he had been the one to kill her. All of the Fox motor mouths claim how horrible and and tasteless this program will be, that they don't want to watch the program but have to talk all of the time about it because it is news. This just sounds like a cheap promotional advertising campaign. Making a controversial issue out of negative issue out of who cares what O.J. says to promote the show as news. I wonder if any of the motor mouths own stock in the book publishers that are printing the book.

Reasons Republicans Lost - by Republicans

But this is still Washington, the world hasn't ended and the blame game continues. Republicans are blaming Jon Stuart of "the Daily Show" and Steven Colbert of the "Colbert Report" for their election woes. The losers believe too many young people watch these shows to keep up with current events. According to the Republican's these new young voters saw to much satire and humor in these shows and not enough of the real old time big money politicians.

Another theory, Rush Limbaugh and "Foot in Mouth Disease"

Some Republicans blame Rush Limbuagh's insensitive handling of Michael J. Foxe's support for stem cell research. My experts claim this is wash when compared to John Kerry's attempt at telling jokes. After the election, Rush Limbaugh accused the Republicans of loosing votes because Republicans were afraid to say what they stood for and who they are. Rush said that he was no longer to say it for the Republicans. If Rush knows so much, why wasn't he running for office? The Republicans needed some new faces. Some experts think Limbaugh will become a late last minute candidate for President in 2008 against Hillary Clinton.

Democrats hiding Post Election Syndrome with Smiley Face

Democrats are having the same Post Election Syndrome but much better at hiding the symptoms. This is just one of the perks of winning. You get to watch the other party self destruct for a month or longer.

The Democrats aren't doing much better handling the Post Election Syndrome (PES) either. A few Democrats are now entering secret treatment programs deal with the new stress. A few are on the edge of a nervous breakdown now that they realize they have to come up with solutions that work.

Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House almost flipped out when she lost her battle to make John Murtha her number two man in the house. Members of the House overwhelmingly voted for Rep. Steny Hoyer to be House majority leader over Rep. Murtha. It seems like the political infighting just keeps going on and only the names change.

Thanksgiving stories you won't see in reported in the mainstream press.

• As you are eating your Thanksgiving Dinner, please take a few minutes and feel sorry for those folks in Washington. It seems they will not have any Thanksgiving again this year. President Bush has fired the Turkey, Rumsfield.
  
  
• Rumsfield last words, as he leaves office. "Its a slog."
  
  
• Tony Snow's version of Bush's Stay the Course Policy for Iraq.
  
  
• Thanksgiving with Hillary.
  
  
• What Rush Limbaugh failed to say before the election, "Results are unpredictable with stem cell research."
  
  

A few more oddities

The President is re-nominating the same judges that have been rejected by the Senate for years. If the President couldn't get these judges

confirmed when the Republicans were in control of the Senate, how does he expect to get the Democrats to confirm these appointments. Well, Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, who will become minority leader Jan. 4, told the conservative Federalist Society Friday not to feel bad about the Senate election results because Republicans will hold 49 seats in a body that requires 60 votes to end a filibuster and bring legislation or presidential nominees to a final vote.

These are the same Republicans that wanted every Democrat shot for treason, if they ever thought about using a filibuster. I guess it is okay for them to use the filibuster, after all they are the ones that claimed the world was going to end if they lost the election. I'm still here.

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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