The BALL REPORTS

Political Backlash may Doom President Bush

September 6, 2006

Pluto disappears, Bush's secret foreign prisons replaces the ninth planet.

In case you were on vacation or stuck somewhere west of the Pecos River in Texas, you have heard that the International Community of Scientists redefined the definition of a planet. The former planet Pluto is now considered a Dwarf Planet and no longer one of the nine planets orbiting our sun, leaving us with eight planets.. Although this decision was made by an international group of scientists, my sources say the downgrading of Pluto to a dwarf planet was the result of back room deals orchestrated by George Bush & colleagues.

Apparently the back room dealing by two different groups of Bush's team backfired. Once Pluto was downside, George Bush was forced to admit that he had set up secret prisons overseas, beyond the control or American the American Justice and Legal System. He claims this was protecting America and his teams could use various inhumane forms of interrogation. By most definitions this power would be used by a a dictator, communists, terrorists or Saddam Hussies but never in a democratic world.

But George Bush has been claiming he is spreading democracy throughout the world. His spokesmen claim these unidentified prisoners have the freedom to select and choose their favorite brand of torture or free speech. It is their choice. Thank goodness, our President supports democratic ideals except for America, where all votes count for Bush, regardless of how they are checked on the ballot.

This original plot and backroom of wheeling & dealing by G. Bush & Gang believed by declaring Pluto a dwarf and no longer a major planet the administration could save the government at least a million dollars a year just in money the Department of Homeland Security would not have to spend to protect the Earth from a terrorist attack based on Pluto. The administration could then show they were fiscally conservative and paint the Democrats as big spenders in the upcoming mid-term elections.

If the Democrats complained, Dick Cheney would go on the Fox News Network, claiming the Democrats were soft on national security. Donald Rumsfield would claim that there is one less hiding place for Osama bin Ladden. Cond(escending)-oleeza Rice said the US would now establish relations with Uranus, if the President of Uranus agreed not help Pluto develop nuclear power. Donald Rumsfield claims Pluto wanted to develop more than glow in the dark rings energy rings like those now in use on Saturn. He claims Pluto wanted to use the development of nuclear energy to make massive high energy bombs with enough power to destroy entire galaxies at the blink of an eye.

Tony Snow job, the presidents press secretary says Bush should be recognized as a hero, and we should have posters of Bush pasted all over the land just as the Chinese use to recognize their leader Chairman Mao, for saving Communist China from radical democracy of their lowly cousins on the island of Taiwan.

The extreme right-wing would use this decision to claim science is only a theory, and wrong most of the time, claiming there is no proof that man evolved on this rock, and the Bible is the only true source of the history of mankind.

As it turns out, the President's approval rating did not get the expected boost, and Republicans are still trying to turn the Presidents approval rating before the midterm election. Most experts predict Bush's low approval ratings will allow the Democrats to gain control of Congress or the Senate, making it very hard for the President to push his programs through Congress, without having to even listen to the Democrats. Yes, this is the same party that had more popular votes than the Republicans in the last two presidential elections.

The Democrats used the down sizing of Pluto to attack the President. Some scientists claimed their jobs were being outsourced to India and other third world countries.

Another group of concerned citizens claimed, the Pluto had been discovered by Americans and to downgrade its status was an insult to all Americans.

Even the corporate giant, Disney World was upset, claiming Pluto had long been big part of its cop orate culture and the loss of Pluto would cost it billions of dollars in revenue. The Disney bosses felt they had been dumped by the President, after they had given huge corporate donations to the Bush election funds in the last two elections.

The ACLU claims that Pluto cannot be downgraded to a Dwarf Planet just because of size. According to a spokesman, there are many laws on the books preventing Pluto from being discriminated against just because of size or a bit of wobble during its orbit around the sun. The Equal Opportunity Employment Commission disagrees and the legal case is suspected to go all of the way to the US Supreme Court.

The United Nations cannot make up its mind if it does or does not have jurisdiction in the matter. The UN Security Council is divided and trying to determine if Pluto is avoiding following all contradicting treaties and international agreements, and who is going to be in control.

The moons of Pluto claim they have territorial rights to Pluto and the Planet Earth, the third rock from the sun, should have no say so in the matter. They are taking their case up with the Chaos Control Board of the Interplanetary Borders, Boundaries, and Orbital Commission for Free Space. (IBBOCFS)

Conservative School Textbook companies are very happy and claims Bush is carrying through on his efforts to create new jobs. These same people fail to mention that these books will be printed overseas and not help the American worker.

As for this reporter, I feel just like a lost a game of marbles.

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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