The BALL REPORTS

MacGyver's secret explosive devices

- Danger to America?

August 24, 2006

It seems like our Department of Homeland Security has suddenly rediscovered this year that many explosives, and poisons can be made from all sorts of every day chemicals and medicines found in almost any type of house hold item, drugstore remedy, over the counter gel, skin lotion just by mixing these various proportions under a variety of uncontrolled conditions. All one would have to do would be to mix one or several of these solutions together and the average citizen would have enough explosives to create their own arsenal of Improvised Explosive Devices, that would be more potent than any than group of weapons Al Qadea has ever developed. Don't get me wrong, Al Qadea has the intellect and knowledge to d the same. they just don't have a quick and easy supply of American made over the counter ingredients.

In fact, public records show our President almost killed himself by choking when he accidentally mixed beer and pretzels in the wrong proportion, early in his career as a president.. Our Secret Service refuses to reveal what what corrective action they implemented to prevent the President from making the same mistake again. My unauthorized sources say this was the real reason the Department of Homeland Security was created, to protect the President from himself.

All a devious person would have to do is bring two or three ingredients in separate containers, then mix them up together before they want to blow themselves and their surrounding to into bits and pieces. The English authorities recently exposed a subversive plot to blow up big passenger jets on their way to America using these methods. The only way to stop a plot like this would be to stop all airline passengers from carrying any type of fluids, medicines, makeup etc., in their carry on luggage. And this is just what our Homeland Security did, banned all of these items from carry on luggage. Of course not one of these experts never stopped to think, these items could be placed in checked luggage and with a little bit of Rube Goldberg creative thinking and design be set to explode in the cargo hold causing the same death and destruction.

My team of research analysts researched the ancient archives from the late part of last century and found that our experts knew all about these type of weapons long before they became today's problem. In the later part of last century, a fellow by the name of MacGyver, after leaving government services, took on a TV contract for another very secretive group called the Phoenix Foundation. Copies of these programs on DVD are easily obtained by the average citizen. Note: the younger generations can still see reruns of the show on general TV. It doesn't really matter when you saw the program, the results were real. MacGyver, a former government secret could make any type of Improvised Explosive Device known to man from almost anything that happened to be in within arms reach. MacGyver is rumored to have created an Improvised Nuclear Explosive Device (INED) from belly button lint, a glow in the dark watch face, super white toothpaste and a three gold buttons from his an old civil war uniform. Fortunately this device was never used, once MacGyver realized he could not outrun the nuclear cloud to save his butt if it ever when it exploded.

The National Security Agency confirmed reports using their now illegal wiretapping abilities confirmed, copies of old MacGyver programs on DVD and VCR's are being eagerly sought after by all sorts of terrorist groups. Their explosive experts want to converts MacGyver's methods into huge weapons of mass destruction and destroy our homeland. Nothing would make the terrorist more happy, than to blow the United States up with our own commercial ingredients.

I think it may be a bit late, but one young kid, recommended to the Government that we send the terrorists doctored versions of MacGyver. These doctored versions would allow the terrorists to make these devices, but when put into use by the terrorists would backfire and blow up the terrorists instead of the intended victims. Our leaders at Homeland Security felt this idea was advanced to be considered practical. One of the main objections, according to one source, was "If we get rid of the terrorists, what tool do we have to bash the Democrats so we can get re-elected?"

McGyvers Capabilities as testified to by Hollywood

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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