The BALL REPORTS

Scientific Study Supports Keeping Our Troops in Iraq

June 23, 2006

The President is protecting America at all costs, and keeping troops in Iraq is necessary to protect America from itself.

The Bush Administration is preparing a scientific report supporting Mr. Bush's strong stance for keeping our troops in Iraq. The results of the study are well documented and supported by numbers found in the DaVinci Code and duplicated in the Fibonacci Chain. These scientific experts predict America will fall into total chaos and disarray, if any our troops were pulled out of Iraq before the 2008 presidential election. The danger according to this report, once our troops start coming home, Americans will be upset that there will be no jobs available for our returning war heroes. And if there are jobs available in America, they will be the low paying jobs that Americans won't do.

This will not be the only problem according to one of the unidentified experts. More Americans will looking at the state of our environment and climate change. These experts feel the average American voter may actually pay attention to Al Gore and his movie "An Inconvenient Truth." The Administration has been able to use Iraq as a wedge issue to divide the Democratic party and keep Americans from thinking about the deadly effects of climate change. Other aspects of Bush's performance will also come under the microscope, including the millions of dollars in subsidies and huge government grants to the energy and the oil industry while Americans are paying record prices for a gallon of gas, FEMA, Homeland Security, and wiretaps. This list gets longer and longer once a person stops concentrating on wedge issues like Iraq, Iran, gay marriage, and tax cuts for the rich.

Our expert feels if the news media was to start reporting the facts, for a change, on the real problems facing America, US citizens would rise up in mass protest, and run all of our government leaders out of town on a rail, after they were tarred and feathered. The US would no longer have a central government and would be open to attack by Osama bin Ladden.

We have historical evidence of President Bush, with one hand on his heart and and the other hand on the Bible, taking a sworn oath to protect the United States and this is exactly what he is doing. I know some people claim his fingers were crossed when he took his oath of office, but there is no clear evidence to support this malicious rumor.

This secret scientific report was funded by a grant from the CIA, at the request of Vice President, Dick Cheney and conducted by the Intelligent Design Department of the Swift Boat Veterans for peace and peer reviewed by Ann Coulter.

Putting all of this in a nutshell, President Bush has no choice but to keep troops in Iraq, and you should be supporting our president, for the safety of our country..

In the spirit of fairness, the critics of the president claim that the only people to see this report were part of the Presidents Team. An administration spokesperson says these critics always make these charges and the President does have the right to make decisions on his own, in private, without Dick Cheney's oversight.

 

Your humble Ace Reporter

Bob

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