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In ' Essential Manners for Couples ,” Peter Post looks at couples' lives – how they deal with each other privately and how they, as individuals and as a couple, deal with everyone else. The book is meant to show couples their “flashpoints,” as Post calls them – “the places, situations and times when inconsiderate behavior is most likely to invade blissful coupledom, as well as how to enhance relationships, head off hostilities” and nurture that relationship with your significant other.

To that end, here's a little exercise. Whether you've been together 20 years or are heading down the aisle this summer, test your “Couples Et-IQ” with this 10-question quiz. You'll get one point for each correct answer.

1. The last time you brought your significant other coffee in bed was:
   • a. I am the first one up each day so I make the coffee and bring him/her a cup.
   • b. Last week.
   • c. Last year.
     
     
2. Your idea of splitting the chores is:
   • a. I don't do housework.
   • b. More or less 50/50.
   • c. I help with the dishes once in a while.
     
     
3. You really want a flat-screen TV. You are at the store and they are having a huge sale. You:
   • a. Burn the plastic and bring that baby home!
   • b. Call your significant other and talk it over.
   • c. Buy it and set it up at your buddy's house.
     
     
4. Your significant other loves golf, but his/her swing makes you wince. You are playing with your new client and his wife:
   • a. Right in the middle of your significant other's backswing, let him/her know that he/she is not square to the target, hasn't reached full extension and, oh, by the way, the grip isn't right either.
   • b. As you are walking down the fairway, critique every hole and every shot.
   • c. Praise your significant other's successful shots. Later that evening, offer to set up a series of lessons with the pro.
     
     
5. You've finally drifted off to sleep and your significant other starts snoring like a buzz saw. You:
   • a. Leave and sleep in another room.
   • b. Yell at him/her to shut up already.
   • c. Give him/her a nudge.
     
     
6. It's 6 p.m. and you still have three hours of work on a project due tomorrow morning. You:
   • a. Don't stop for a second, the sooner you are done the better.
   • b. Give your significant other a call.
   • c. Load up the briefcase and plan on an all-nighter at home.
     
     
7. At a business-social event, you are talking to an important prospect. Your significant other walks up to join you both. You:
   • a. Ignore him/her because you really need to focus on landing this client.
   • b. Introduce your significant other as “your ball and chain.”
   • c. Introduce your prospect to your significant other and include him/her in the conversation.
     
     
8. Your significant other insists on spending every holiday with his/her family. Your mom is pressuring you for equal time. You:
   • a. Tell your mom you'll come for Thanksgiving and then figure out how to tell your significant other later.
   • b. Split up – you each go to your own family.
   • c. Have a heart-to-heart with your significant other and work out a schedule.
     
     
9. You have season tickets to a sporting event that translates to a commitment to 12 out of 18 weekends over the next five months. Your significant other, who is not a really big fan, receives an invitation to a dinner party that conflicts. You:
   • a. Go to the game, of course. After all, you've invested in the tickets and this team is your life.
   • b. Give your tickets to a friend, go to the dinner party and enjoy yourself.
   • c. Go to the dinner party, but make sure your significant other (and everyone else) knows what a sacrifice you are making and that you expect “payback” for your big compromise.
     
     
10. You are at a party and you've overstepped your significant other's “flirting” boundaries. The ride home is a little chilly. You:
    • a. Apologize – simply and sincerely.
    • b. Explain that you've known this person a long time; that, well, actually you used to date, and ...
    • c. Ignore the chill and hope it will blow over.

Source: Emily Post Institute, drawn from “Essential Manners for Couples: From Snoring and Sex to Finances and Fighting Fair-What Works, What Doesn't, and Why”

Here are the answers to the couples quiz

1. a. One point. Brilliant! You obviously know how to rack up snuggle points.
   b. No point. Although, if you can make it a habit, you are on your
       way to earning your significant other's undying gratitude.
   c. Hmm . . . and you still love that tousled grouch? No point.
   
   
2. a. No point. News flash – if you live there, you need to do your share of the
       maintenance.
   b. One point. Well done. An agreed upon split of the chores lets each party get
       the job done quickly, without resentment.
   c. No point. But good start! Take a look at how much time your significant other
       spends keeping your living space clean. What else could you do to help out and
       free up some relationship time?
   
   
3. a. And you plan on sleeping where tonight? No point.
   b. One point. Bravo. Communication over significant purchases is a critical factor
       in maintaining a relationship.
   c. And you think no one will notice the credit card bill is off the chart? Hiding
       purchases from your significant other leads to future financial – not
      to mention relationship – disaster. No point.
   
   
4. a. No point. Not only are you ruining the opportunity to make golf a pastime that you
       share with your significant other, your rudeness will not impress your new client.
   b. Oh, and you are a scratch golfer yourself? No point.
   c. Nice job. One point. Your best bet is to be the cheerleader, not the coach.
   
   
5. a. And you are going to do this EVERY night?
   b. Now you really will be sleeping in the other room!
   c. Good choice, but gently does it. Usually, if you can get your partner to turn
       over, the snoring will cease.
   
   
6. a. True, but what about the dinner your significant other has prepared? No point.
   b. Smart. One point. A two-minute phone call will save a pile of grief later.
   c. True, but you are shortchanging your job and your significant other. No point.
   
   
7. a. Not only have you just signaled to your significant other that he/she is not
       important, you have not impressed your prospect, either. No point.
   b. Congratulations! You just lost your prospect AND your significant other. Try again!
   c. Perfect. One point. Your significant other knows his/her support at these events
       is important, and your prospect will be impressed with your manners.
   
   
8. a. Ouch! You are going to hear about that one for years! No point.
   b. Wait a minute – you are a COUPLE! No point.
   c. The only choice. Working out a yours, mine and ours schedule will keep the peace.
   
   
9. a. Are they willing to adopt you? No point.
   b. One point. Compromising graciously and being a happy participant in the new
       plan is a strong signal to your partner that your life together
       is as important as your particular interests and hobbies.
   c. No point. Your sulkiness risks the friendships with your hosts and sets a
       tone that will make your significant other think twice when YOU
       need a favor.
   
   
10. a. Absolutely! I am so sorry, I was not thinking about how this would upset you.
        One point.
    b. Could we lend you a backhoe to help you dig a bigger hole? Try again!
    c. Not likely and it could fester into a full-blown row. No point.
    
    

    Scoring

    • 9-10: You have what it takes to be a great partner.
    • 6-8: You're on the right track, but you could use a little polish to put the sparkle back into your life with your significant other.
    • 0-5: You are still in a relationship? Someone loves you VERY much!

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